Bandage Change - Holy Hammertoes!

DAY 6
Today I don't have ANY pain at all. I feel good with my legs dangling (usually having my legs hanging is a very uncomfortable event). But I still make sure to elevate, it's so important! HOWEVER....

I had my bandage changed by my doctor earlier. WOWweeeeewubzee DID IT FRIGGIN' HURT. Well, let me clarify, only 2 out of 5 toes hurt but it was enough. Blood and antibacterial liquid had dried and got stuck to one toe on each foot. First the doc wet it so it would come off a bit more "easily" but it didn't budge. So she pulled gently.. OH. MY. WORD. It felt like the end of my toe had been ripped straight off and even hyper extended (bent backward!). The pain lasted about 5 minutes and then completely subsided but psychologically, I wasn't ok. It was the MOST painful this procedure has gotten thus far! I would say the fear of having surgery, the helplessness of not being able to speed walk or take care of myself the way I used to, THAT's what has been psycologically taxing and most "painful".

The bandage change also gave me a sensation that gave me the sheer creeps. A... loose toe feeling like my toe was just hanging in my skin (floppy and irrregularly flexible). I realized at that moment that my toes were perhaps not connected under the skin, at least that is how it felt. As though I'm not just resting to heal the incision sites, but the actual bones so they can reconnect. I also somehow never thought that after surgery my ability to bend my toes was impossible. That made me feel traumatized. Well, it's only been a week and a day, but this is still hard to grasp.

I get my stitches out next week and she promised to inject anesthesia so I wouldn't feel pain. I'm nervous about next week's appointment :( i tried speaking to my boyfriend but he doesn't understand why I'm so down right now. I'm just imagining life with permanently hyperextended toes.

Lastly, I have pics of what my toes look like now, but it is VERY gruesome (and franklyso, they look hideous) so I'm on the fence about posting.